Archive for the ‘macaulay culkin’ Category

michael jackson vs. macaulay culkin

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

the death of michael jackson has caused strange people to resurface like corey feldman to give statements on the king of pop. but the real question is where is macaulay culkin. who michael jackson presumably wanted to portray him in a movie about his life (when back in the 90s he suggested a white kid play him in a film).

news of the world (yes, that newspaper) has a interview with michael from 1996 in which he is interviewed about his relationship with kids. one of whom reportedly slept in his room for 1 year.

so let us deconstruct the michael jackson media cycle. first there was the shock of his death. so the journalists report the facts. ‘michael jackson. dead at 50.’ then the story becomes a little sentimental. ‘michael jackson. king of pop. dead at 50.’ then the music blares on the street and the little shrines begin to pop up around the world in places like london, berlin, and of course los angeles. the celebrities who knew him (liza minelli, liz taylor, diana ross) give statements about what a great talent he was. that is the end of the first news cycel.

then the weekend papers hit. and publications like ‘the guardian’ do stories about ‘michael jackson the self-loathing black man.’ and magazines like ‘us weekly’ and ‘people’ in the u.s. begin running photos of michael jackson through the ages san commentary. because you know, one wouldn’t want to bring up the fact that he went from being a cute little brown skinned boy with a cute button nose to a caucasian man without one. and janet jackson cries at the BET awards which is one long tribute to a musical genius. that is the end of the second news cycle.

then ‘news of the world’ runs an interview with debbie rowe (or whatever her name is) the former dermatology assistant jackson allegedly paid 750K to stay away from the children she gave birth to who may or may not have actually been hers but who definitely weren’t his. then there’s talk about who would get the kids. why debbie hasn’t seen them in how many years. and what would michael’s 79 year old mother and his 80 year old father do with 3 young kids. meaning you know, those people are old and michael didn’t like his father. that’s the end of the third news cycle.

and so on. then the cross-examination of his strange life begins. and the speculation about his debts. and now the conspiracy theories have started, because you know, michael jackson is alive and well (well as well as he ever was) and hiding out with elvis (who must be pushing 100 by now) and tupac in tupelo mississippi eatting fried banana sandwiches and taking copious amounts of drugs. and that would have newscycles four, five, and six.