it is seemingly orlando bloom day. know how you go online and run across an article and one thing leads to another and then suddenly you’re on wikipedia looking up some inane information on some obscure subject, then you run across the name ‘orlando’ or ‘bloom’ and you think, yeah what’s going on with orlando bloom. will he be in the hobbit film? were there even elves in the hobbit book? so you type in orlando bloom. and you see that in 2004 or 5 he made some obscure movie called haven about interracial love on the cayman islands that you missed.
mind you, aside from the lord of the rings trilogy and the pirates trilogoy, i have my doubts about orlando’s judgement. ‘kingdom of heaven’ was god awful. and i so took a pass on ‘elizabethtown’ and the ‘calcium kid.’
okay, so i digress. and so one thing leads to another and invariably, you end up on youtube. and you watch like 4 or 5 scenes from his self-produced film haven:
then of course you get caught up in the youtube thing. and somehow you end up on the japanese incarnation and ran across this commercial:
and when i see stars in japanese commericals, i can’t help but think of that trash film that everyone used to rave about, ‘lost in translation.’ i vehemently disliked that film when i saw it. i found it a bit racist. and other ists as well.
no matter. the long and the short of it is. orlando bloom cannot open a film. go to boxofficemojo and type in ‘the calcium kid’ or ‘elizabethtown’ or hell even ‘kingdom of heaven’ and ‘troya’ and see what numbers come up. but little girls seem to love him. i bet he makes a mint on posters. maybe he should put out a special limited edition t-shirt of his thumb print or an impression of his ass. he really should consider going blond again. but we give the boy a big thumbs up for trying to expand beyond the popcorn films. and i will say ‘black hawk down’ was an _excellent film. and his track recored is far better than that of the ‘b’ in brangelina.